Light
Photo By Rohan Makhecha
I have tasted of light, so darkness will never satisfy.
When I was 15, I wanted to end my life. I was on drugs, had unresolved traumatic childhood experiences that plagued me, and pressures of life had me tapped out. I was convinced by the enemy that was trying to kill me, that if I killed myself, I would restart in life and have a better circumstance. It was so deep that I would have dreams of dying and being able to restart.
I remember sitting in my Jeep as I debated how I would take my life that night. Whether it was fear or indecisiveness that prolonged my decision, I do not know. There was a moment that I had in that green Jeep Cherokee where I looked up at the stars with tears streaming down my face and sensed a deep impression that “there is more.”
Obviously, I didn’t commit suicide but even to this day when I look at the stars, I remember that moment. You can take medicine for depression (I’m not opposed to that if you need it for a season), you can get into a great community with people who love you or so much good stuff that will help.
Ultimately you need vision. True vision will be birthed out of a real relationship with Jesus.
I don’t say that from a place of not knowing but from a place of intimate experience where Jesus has changed and is changing everything in my life.
Any crazy empathizers out there who pick up on people’s emotions in an overwhelming way? (If you are wondering what I’m talking about then maybe it’s not you.)
Whether you are getting through depression or not, get a vision for your life. If you have been on the journey and frustrated because you have been praying but God doesn’t seem to be answering, give yourself to someone’s else vision until you receive your own.
Give your life for something greater than yourself. Something that without God’s supernatural engagement, you won’t accomplish. Something that you may not live to see.
“If people can’t see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves; But when they attend to what he reveals, they are most blessed.”
Proverbs 29:18 MSG
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